Ahhh…The Things that Middle Age Bring

Birthdays.  I spit on you.  You never were very fun for me.

As a young child, I was always ill on my birthday; as I grew older, birthdays were embarrassing.  When 40 hit, I spent the day in bed with my covers over my head. thinking that the world was ending.  AND I found 7 grey hairs after peeling through them like a monkey on a bug fest.  Now my birthday is generally spent in bed, hiding my head in my covers and lamenting over all my ills.

But this birthday I am going to read and watch my favorite movies in an orgy of snuggle-buggedness.  And it will consist of  JUST me, else I will be flattened into doing Something.  It is so rare to have a day just to oneself, and usually we spend it in useless, meaningless, repetitive tasks that wont be remembered one week later.  Nope, no washing, no cleaning, no showering…nothing.  Just me in my jammies with messy curls at weird angles.  And hard cider.

And, to elongate that day, dinner in-a-bag and a “No admittance” sign on the front door.  Sending the kids over to my mom’s sounds like a lovely present.  Happy argue-free Birthday to Me.  The below lyrics to the tune of My Favorite Things was written to a friend who turned 40, but is applicable to all of us on the Other Side…..

Deep lines on forehead and permanent wrinkles,

Crows feet and laugh lines and eye bags with crinkles,

Less hair on your head and more hair up your nose,

Welcome to things that 40 years bring!

Weight gain and skin sags and age spots on forehands,

Erectile dysfunction and prostate exammmmms,

Lying, you tell your friends, “Who Gives A Damn”!

Welcome to things that 40 years bring!

Blotchy-red skin spots and red splotchy noses,

Urine stream drops like some waterless hoses,

Silver white hair sprouting out of your ears,

Who’d ever thought you’d live so many years?

These are the things that 40 years bring!


13 comments on “Ahhh…The Things that Middle Age Bring

  1. I was in better shape at 40 than I was at 30, so I try not to let age bother me… Happy Birthday! 😀

  2. Oh I would sing to you but I don’t want to send you running from the room. 😉 Happy Birthday friend, I hope it is an enjoyable one!

    • I wanted to hide in my bed with good movies. Sadly, life is crimping my schedule. I have to make up for lost time this weekend as a sickie. OF course, I COULD have done this while I was curled up pathetically in a dark room on my bed, but isn’t it just like us to not want to do anything when one has a blinding headache, vomiting and other ugly symptoms? So I am “re-scheduling” my birthday plan to another day off work, preferably on a rainy day. I WILL get my movie day!

  3. Happy Birthday, Lorene. Hope you have a truly wonderful day, filled with God’s blessings and love.

  4. I hope you have a wonderful birthday this year 🙂

  5. Oh no… say it isn’t so! I thought the best years of my life were yet to come. Your friend’s song lyrics are not giving room for mycg hope! 🙂

    I hope you have had a wonderful, restful birthday.

    • NOT..but my expectations are so low anymore that I don’t really care too much. My husband was suddenly put on call with no notice on my birthday so my dinner was cancelled. But I shall prevail, dinner awaits today, and a wine bar awaits me in the near future with friends (it has small tastings of really good wine, so you get a little variety for about a glass 1/2 over at least an hour.–My favorite spot in the city!).

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