15 Comments

Ode to the Hair on my Chinny-Chin-Chin

Re-blogged for Rarasaur’s Prompt For The Prompless: A total Monet

“A total Monet” is an expression used to someone or something that looks good from far away, but up close is a total mess.

My chin hair is “A Total Monet”.  While it is light, it is definitely visible if I miss my maintenance routine.

Hirsutism

One of the “joys” of getting older is the sprouting of wild hair.  These over-“keratin-ized” strands of protein are the superheroes of the hair community. 

I can hang like a monkey from mine. 

I have tweezed, waxed and home-lazered the little horns with no effect.  Chemo took out a lot of my hair, but not the thick posts sticking out of my chin.   What a fussy lot we are….hair is acceptable in only certain areas of the body and humiliating in others.  Who determines the placement of beauty?

I say be proud and not shy and let that hair fly!

Having said that bravely to my mirror, I will now once again remove the offenders from my face and count my pennies for a permanent hair removal session.  Sigh, I am weak, I am frivolous, and I hate facial hair on women AND men.  My husband grew a mustache at the age of 12 (in a long downward U-formation–ugh) and wore the stupid thing for 13 years straight, resisting all taunts and attempts to remove it until I told him that I would only date him if it was removed.  He immediately went into his bathroom and 10 minutes later emerged a new man!  Well….how could I refuse THAT? I mean, there isn’t a greater act of wooing sacrifice then a man removing himself from his beloved hair, the icon of his identity.  I have had women sighing and sobbing in tears over this sappy story of romantic love….

But I must say that it was also the finest moment of my dating career and a boon to all mankind. 

Unfortunately, a couple of years ago, in a moment of extreme weakness, I let him try a beard, and “Facebear” emerged to my intense horror. 

Yes, that’s right…he NAMED the thing.  Kissing a mouthful of wiry hair is akin to rubbing my face with a potato brush.  I can get a rash after just 30 seconds of it.  So I don’t kiss the man until it is all off.  And when I give this ultimatum, the tussle between his manly image and his desire for a smooch is palpable.  Hmmmm…..perhaps I should stop obsessing over my chin hairs and rub them on HIM.  So here is my (hopefully humorous) “poem” on facial hair, enjoy!

chin hair 2

Oh wiry, follicular weed!

You are tough as granite stone.

Why do you see the need

to make my face your home?

With manic frenzy you feed

on hormones and keratin.

Like a fertilized spider plant

randomly sprouting from my chin;

with impotent rage I rant

yet you return again and again.

My razor armies ruthlessly lead

the charge to remove, hurt and maim.

I mow and zap you with all speed;

you laugh as I  feel the pain.

Yet sadistically I still have the need

to remove this embarrassment and shame.

I fear my hairless creed

has left me slightly insane!

I wish to be fully freed

from your black spider legged train.

As beauty is our greatest greed

your loss will be my Gain.

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15 comments on “Ode to the Hair on my Chinny-Chin-Chin

  1. My husband and I are on the Fiddler in the Roof national tour and he had to grow a giant beard for the show. When we close in two week the icky thing is coming off as soon as the curtain comes down.

  2. Love it Lorene, I’m having a giggle, so good, great poem but I’m different as I love beads and moustaches and hairy chests and arms ok, ok your right, not on me but real close. 🙄

    Christen Love from me and my hairy Ron but not on the head – Anne

    • 🙂 Thank God that what we love is so diverse!

      • But my dear new friend, there is only one Truth and that is God’s and we both Love it, yes diverse in what is not eternal but of one mind in what is Hmmmm I wonder if Ron will have hair in Heaven or will He still be bald and will your hubby look like Moses with a long white beard, I guess it won’t matter we will see them out of Spiritual eyes Hmmmm God tells us we don’t have to wait till we go to Heaven we can have them now ….How good is that!

        Christian Love -Anne

        • Our bodies will be perfect, therefore I will no longer have a dimpled booty or the many other weeping imperfections that gravity, that necessary evil, has elongated over the years!

  3. […] Repressed Expressions – Ode to the Hair on my Chinny-Chin-Chin […]

  4. Haha!! Never has unwanted chin-hair been so honored. 🙂

  5. Loved your post, and what a funny poem.

  6. […] Repressed Expressions – Ode to the Hair on my Chinny-Chin-Chin […]

  7. […] Repressed Expressions – Ode to the Hair on my Chinny-Chin-Chin […]

  8. […] Repressed Expressions – Ode to the Hair on my Chinny-Chin-Chin […]

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