Thicker, curly hair is supposed to be a “perk” after chemotherapy after it grows back. My hair was already at the pinnacle of thick and curly, as seen in the photo above, yes, I would rival the Wild Woman of Borneo! I imagined that I would have an Afro-like effect, requiring straighteners and hair thinning.
And I was mis-informed. Or God chose to humble me a bit, as my hair was a part of me that I really loved. I now have probably 1/3 of the hair I had before chemotherapy. And it is a loss that I see multiple times a day. A small thing, I know, but it makes me sad. And I have a little head, so my load of hair kinda balanced me out a bit. Now I am a peanut head with a large booty. Not a pretty picture. I have a wig I used during chemo when I was bald as a nut. It’s a great wig and looks awesome on me (left-handed “complimenters” actually said they liked it better than my real hair!)
My great wig
But wigs are hot, itchy and, well, WIGS. Fake. And after a mastectomy and a boob from my abdomen, I don’t want any more fake, thank you. I want my hair back. Why did everyone else get cool hair and I didn’t?
I went to my oncology appointment recently and asked my doctor if he thought my hair was just a “late bloomer”. He looked at my records, said that after a year and a half what I had was what I had, and probably the methotrexate that I had to take for inflammatory disease complicated the return of my hair. But I had hair, and decent eyebrows and eyelashes before…..sob…..
I decided to create bangs today. So after a shower, I combed my hair and parted it like one should do and looked at the thin lines of hair that hung over my forehead. Pathetic. A couple of snips and half of the hair on the top of my head was now hanging in thin stings on my forehead. Gollum-like. I stood there and was too sad to even cry. Cancer survivors carry untold personal grief with them in exchange for prolonged life. I know most still choose the treatment, but no one could prepare me for my own personal unique losses.
The hair that should be there
I guess, if I look on the bright side, I am now very sympathetic to men who lose their hair. I should join a Hair Loss Support Group. Not sure if there is one, but as there seems to be a support group for everything, I’m sure I can find one. Not that it would get me my hair back. Support groups are fine if they GO somewhere. And I would rather not mire in my hair woes. Hair is a crown of beauty and youth, and the loss of it signals a loss of the best time in life.
Plus, most people definitely look much better with hair, excepting the gorgeous men who look good filthy with a scraggly beard and not a hair on their head…. the dawgs!