13 Comments

I AM DONE with “That was Fun”

Warning:

“While this post is very funny (to me), it might be offensive to some people as it is a very personal, intimate subject. If you are offended by reading posts that deal humorously with intimacy in marriage, you may want to skip reading this.”  Thank you to Steven Sawyer ForHisGlory for the politically correct wording on this disclaimer.  You are now my under-the-table editor….

Other people, please don’t spit out your drink on your computer.  It isn’t good for the keyboard…..

The Skeptic's Dictionary

I am a little quirky.  One of my more humorous quirks is that I can talk about ANYTHING without any embarrassment.  Partly a nursing thing, partly just ME, developed over time as a stress reliever for my cohorts in my pediatric dialysis unit.  Perhaps you can relate to this story…..if you can’t, my eyes have turned green(er) with envy.

And on the serious side, allowing resentment to build up, even if the reason is a small one, closes one’s heart off to that other person.  A snowball effect.  And really that is the lesson in the tale.

Some descriptive non-entities should be stricken from the dictionary.  Take “nice”.  It has descended to a level of trite nothingness and the vague meaning can only be determined by tone.  To me, nice is ice.  The person just didn’t have the energy to find a better word.  I do use it though, but in  a very sarcastic and long drawn out “N-I-I-I-C-E….”

“Great” is also getting there, but “fun” is definitely number two.  So I interpret the phrase, “THAT WAS FUN”  with deep suspicion.  After all, axe murdering is “fun” to axe murderers, “fun” houses are fun to fun house lovers;  I just find them creepy.  Oh, shoot, just give me a gun when you say fun…..

My husband is an amazing writer.  But he sucks at compliments.  And “that was fun” is an everyday phrase with him.  But one phrase that a person should never say after sex with your beloved is “that was fun”.  And I can count the number of seconds it will pop out of his mouth each and every time that last couple of years.  Cookie meet the cutter.

Now I will accept non-specific “amazing”, “mind-blowing”, even “awesome” as they are at least a little more bouncy.  I would prefer “without you, dearest, my sex life would dive into the inky depths of the sea, never to be seen again”.  But that is a little hopeful, only ever to be read in smutty novels, I fear.

Chrissi-dinos.deviantart.com “The Last Unicorn”

So, while “that was fun” would be mildly annoying with other activities, it waves the red flag in front of a red-eyed bull.  Especially now that I am adorned with a fake abdominal boob and 60 inches of scars.  Groping and darkness are now my friends.  So I have been trying to “re-phrase” him.  But my Middle Aged Dog does not learn tricks well.

I had difficulty with anything touching my abdomen, including hugs, as the abdominal incision is chronically painful and extremely sensitive.   After a lengthy hiatus, one would think that a little more description is warranted?

Nope.

I have an issue with stuff just popping out of my mouth before coherent thought even enters my brain.  I discovered that “I am NOT an amusement park ride” hung in the air after his limp but customary appreciation.

“I didn’t say you were a fun house or a roller coaster.”

I butted in. “I think I would have liked either better. One suggests variety; the other a thrill”.

“One suggests creepiness, the other a bumpy ride”.

“We shall agree to disagree. Can you find something else, like “I love you my eternal partner” ??

“Definitely not that, I’m not weird you know.  Why don’t you take it that when I say “that was fun” I am so mind blown that I can barely squeak out three words, let alone think of something more thought intensive”?

“Could you not pre-plan it”?

He gave me “the squirrel is peeing on the pole” look.  (See post Eclectic Directions) He responded stiffly, “There will be no words at all now”.

[Oh, GASP, how horrible] was my sarcastic thought that, fortunately, did not pop out.  Then I felt bad.  This was a time-honored ending and I offended him.  But after 20 years of marriage, sometimes one must change it up a little, so I shall continue to encourage a little difference.  Perhaps I will be the first and memorize, “tossed about on the waves of the sea, you bring me safely to shore, my dearest love”.

Uhh, a bit melodramatic?  Did I tell you I love melodrama?

Of course, I can see myself flubbing it, and he will remember our conversation and we will end up with a big pillow between us.  So perhaps a simple “I love you” will suffice.  A bit overused, but appropriate in this situation I think.  A little change-up. Or,  when he says it, resort to my daughter’s response to something she doesn’t like: a hard blow out of her mouth into your face.  Quirky, and a cute reminder for him, as her action always makes us laugh.

So the moral of my tale?  Words are powerful, they can offend, they can trivialize, they can make the other person want to throw cold water on the parade. But words after sex can pit Man versus Woman in an age-old war of unappreciation and boredom.  So a little memorization would be appropriate.  Even better, a true and loving, heart-felt phrase of extemporaneous bliss.  Men, take note….or am I the only one with this issue?

In that case, maybe its’ time for Something Serious…..a bunny outfit?

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13 comments on “I AM DONE with “That was Fun”

  1. Very well expressed Lori, I think the issue you raise is a very pertinent one. It’s as if in time we come to take for granted that our loves/partners appreciate what we do when we do it. That we don’t express our joy, our appreciation in words that contain the meaning we desire is a real problem for so many couples. The question is often how do i keep ‘floating your boat’? We know how to, we don’t always know how to make it interesting, its like believeing that there is more than one way to launch the thing let alone sail it.

    • It’s especially hard when one’s partner is vastly different. My husband and I are complete opposites in this area! Tough to work with! The stories I could tell about it! Thank God for humor!

  2. I suspect ‘I love you’ might become a little banal if repeated every time too. Maybe you could be the first one to make a comment of appreciation afterwards so that he responded rather than led the conversation.Personally, if I can remember that far back, I think I was gasping for breath too much to talk anyway. xxx Huge Hugs xxx

  3. My husband understates everything. I have an inbuilt dictionary in my head that converts the word he has used to the more appropriate word. The best illustration of his understating was many years ago we had a close friend who died suddenly at 33. I walked into our kitchen and we were talking and then he said, “Deirdre had a bit of bad news yesterday”, and then he told me, John had died. It took me ages to process it as I kept hearing “bit” of bad news which so did not go with what he had told me!! So if he said “that was fun” wow I’d be thrilled.

    • I think they are cut from the same cloth. Laconic statements should be reserved for special occasions only. Yup, that “bit” is not a “bit” appropriate in that situation! Men! The difficulty is in having to constantly weigh the statement instead of taking it at face value, and assigning a heavier weighted word with an educated guess. Miscommunication meet understatement.

  4. I’m not sure words are necessary in all situations, unless they’re really important to you. For me, snuggling and maybe some yumminess sounds are the ticket to post-coital happiness. Far better than lighting up a cigarette! But I realize that this is, um, a very intimate matter, so perhaps for you and/or your hubby, some kind of verbal expression of satisfaction is important. Maybe you could just, like, talk about it in a non-emotionally charged way, at some time when you’re not engaged in the moment, like “honey, can we talk about something that’s bothering me?” and keep it in “I” language, all that stuff….what, you’ve already done that? Sorry, then…men are really from Mars after all, poor things….

  5. Just a thought. You and I have discussed this. Let me ask you, How’s his breathing afterwards? Is he out of breath? Can you feel hot breath on your neck? Is it short gasps or normal breathing? Maybe you could interpret heavy breathing as, “Baby, that was the large deep dish all-meat pizza.” or “Honey, you knocked it out of the park! What a ride!” It doesn’t sound as if hubby’s too interested in expressing his gratification verbally, but maybe you could interpret his breathing or his sweating profusely, or his physical collapse as your way of gratifying your need for affirmation that he really thinks you were worth $500 for the night to him. Just a thought. . . .I must confess to you that after reading this . . .ah . . .tantalizing post I need to go outside and smoke a cigarette. :0)

    • Amusing….I am drying to reply, you would laugh until you fell off the chair, but my reply would be a little TMI. Yes, you read it, I actually have something that is TMI. Shocking to me too. So go smoke that cig…..

      • Go ahead. Reply with your TMI. I love TMI. I have to. That’s the way my wife speaks all the time. And I always expect to laugh until I fall off my chair when I read your stuff. Can’t wait to read it. Send it to my email, will ya? stevesawforhim@gmail.com. Thanks.

      • Go ahead. Reply. I’m used to TMI. That’s normal wife speak for me. Send to my email, though. Please. Can’t wait to read it.

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