I am a little quirky. One of my more humorous quirks is that I can talk about ANYTHING without any embarrassment. Partly a nursing thing, partly just ME, developed over time as a stress reliever for my cohorts in my pediatric dialysis unit. Perhaps you can relate to this story…..if you can’t, my eyes have turned green(er) with envy.
And on the serious side, allowing resentment to build up, even if the reason is a small one, closes one’s heart off to that other person. A snowball effect. And really that is the lesson in the tale.
Some descriptive non-entities should be stricken from the dictionary. Take “nice”. It has descended to a level of trite nothingness and the vague meaning can only be determined by tone. To me, nice is ice. The person just didn’t have the energy to find a better word. I do use it though, but in a very sarcastic and long drawn out “N-I-I-I-C-E….”
“Great” is also getting there, but “fun” is definitely number two. So I interpret the phrase, “THAT WAS FUN” with deep suspicion. After all, axe murdering is “fun” to axe murderers, “fun” houses are fun to fun house lovers; I just find them creepy. Oh, shoot, just give me a gun when you say fun…..
My husband is an amazing writer. But he sucks at compliments. And “that was fun” is an everyday phrase with him. But one phrase that a person should never say after sex with your beloved is “that was fun”. And I can count the number of seconds it will pop out of his mouth each and every time that last couple of years. Cookie meet the cutter.
Now I will accept non-specific “amazing”, “mind-blowing”, even “awesome” as they are at least a little more bouncy. I would prefer “without you, dearest, my sex life would dive into the inky depths of the sea, never to be seen again”. But that is a little hopeful, only ever to be read in smutty novels, I fear.
Chrissi-dinos.deviantart.com “The Last Unicorn”
So, while “that was fun” would be mildly annoying with other activities, it waves the red flag in front of a red-eyed bull. Especially now that I am adorned with a fake abdominal boob and 60 inches of scars. Groping and darkness are now my friends. So I have been trying to “re-phrase” him. But my Middle Aged Dog does not learn tricks well.
I had difficulty with anything touching my abdomen, including hugs, as the abdominal incision is chronically painful and extremely sensitive. After a lengthy hiatus, one would think that a little more description is warranted?
I have an issue with stuff just popping out of my mouth before coherent thought even enters my brain. I discovered that “I am NOT an amusement park ride” hung in the air after his limp but customary appreciation.
“I didn’t say you were a fun house or a roller coaster.”
I butted in. “I think I would have liked either better. One suggests variety; the other a thrill”.
“One suggests creepiness, the other a bumpy ride”.
“We shall agree to disagree. Can you find something else, like “I love you my eternal partner” ??
“Definitely not that, I’m not weird you know. Why don’t you take it that when I say “that was fun” I am so mind blown that I can barely squeak out three words, let alone think of something more thought intensive”?
“Could you not pre-plan it”?
He gave me “the squirrel is peeing on the pole” look. (See post Eclectic Directions) He responded stiffly, “There will be no words at all now”.
[Oh, GASP, how horrible] was my sarcastic thought that, fortunately, did not pop out. Then I felt bad. This was a time-honored ending and I offended him. But after 20 years of marriage, sometimes one must change it up a little, so I shall continue to encourage a little difference. Perhaps I will be the first and memorize, “tossed about on the waves of the sea, you bring me safely to shore, my dearest love”.
Uhh, a bit melodramatic? Did I tell you I love melodrama?
Of course, I can see myself flubbing it, and he will remember our conversation and we will end up with a big pillow between us. So perhaps a simple “I love you” will suffice. A bit overused, but appropriate in this situation I think. A little change-up. Or, when he says it, resort to my daughter’s response to something she doesn’t like: a hard blow out of her mouth into your face. Quirky, and a cute reminder for him, as her action always makes us laugh.
So the moral of my tale? Words are powerful, they can offend, they can trivialize, they can make the other person want to throw cold water on the parade. But words after sex can pit Man versus Woman in an age-old war of unappreciation and boredom. So a little memorization would be appropriate. Even better, a true and loving, heart-felt phrase of extemporaneous bliss. Men, take note….or am I the only one with this issue?
In that case, maybe its’ time for Something Serious…..a bunny outfit?