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A Child’s Last Christmas

Every year countless children die around the Christmas holidays.  As a pediatric nurse, I have agonized with families who have children who have died Christmas day. For them, the holidays will always be touched with an ache only the death of a child can give.  As a cancer survivor, I have felt firsthand the potential of death as I started chemotherapy at Christmas. The Christian based poem below is a series of questions from a child dying of cancer to his mom.   Based on my life experiences, I have sobbed over this, and can hardly read it now at times.  Why share such a sad poem?  The reality is that there are so many people sad, hurting, mourning during a time when happiness is all around them.  My sister-in-law is very ill in the hospital right now and sadness and fear for her recovery are uppermost in our minds.  Remember the people who ache this season.

Momma, I am praying hard to be cured of cancer

Yes, dearest, so am I.

Momma, do you think God will give a “yes” as His answer?

 We will know by and by.

-<-o-o->-

Momma, I want to go Home.

 The doctors are sending you home today.

Momma, you will be there? I won’t be alone?

 Wild horses could not drag me away!

Momma, I think I’m gonna die…..soon.

 I still pray that it isn’t so near 

Momma, I cant wait to see my heavenly room.

 I know you will fill it with an eternity of sports gear!

Momma, I have one last wish.

 What is it my dear?

Momma, don’t grieve for what I did not accomplish

 Every second with you has been my greatest boon…

Momma, I’m no longer sad that death is a real event

 I’m so glad, darling, but for me it is too soon…..

-<-o-o->-

 Momma, I gonna live until Christmas morning to give Jesus His present.

 Living to Christmas will be mine too, my love.

-<-o-o->-

Momma, will you keep that Christmas Eve candle lit for me tonight?

 I shall keep it bright as the stars above!

Momma, will you hold my hand……real tight?

I’m holding on with all my might.

Momma, I no longer fear the long dark night.

You shall soon see God’s glory shining bright!

Momma, my mind is now free of fright.

I have prayed for God’s peace in your heart

Momma, I see a warm glow of light!

I know my love, how can I let you go? Are you ready for us to part?

-<-o-o->-

Momma, it’s Christmas morn and Jesus is almost in sight.

Youre so brave, your race is almost won

I am His present, right?

Right—my—son….

Goodnight momma, don’t be sad, I love ……..

I will kiss you one last time, again and again as my tears fall with torrential rain……

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9 comments on “A Child’s Last Christmas

  1. This is my Temporary Home… ❤

  2. What–the poem, my blog or where I imagine you are right now? Did you go over OUR IDEA with Angie?

  3. A death of a child at Christmas is the saddest of occasions I would think. Good on you for posting this Lori, and yes the poem is confronting but so well said.

  4. Such a sad, lovely poem. I’ve seen several folks die on or near Christmas as well and it’s just sadder than most other times of the year for me. It’s like we’re feeling all this joy and when something like this happens, it seems so out of place. I remember a woman killed on Christmas Eve a few years back. She was being a good Samaritan on the highway and was killed by another motorist. If only she’d kept on driving or stayed in her car and just called for help…she was a nurse. It wasn’t in her nature to not help another person, even a stranded motorist. Merry Christmas to you! I love nurses and the work you do to make bad situations better.

    • I have seen several children die on Christmas, and am currently dealing with a critically ill parent, but I never cried so hard as I did when I wrote this. Strange how fantasy can sometimes hit harder than reality. Like all the hurt in real life gets concentrated in the words.

  5. Death and Christmas seem to be on opposite sides of the spectrum, but I am reminded that even baby Jesus was born in swaddling cloths, cloths used to bury dead people. Words well written and hits home to all of us who have lost a loved one around Christmas!

    • What a great example of the dichotomy of opposites. I wrote this from sadness of heart related to the death of a child last year, but it was so meaningful to me this year as my dad lies dying from radiation damage to his lungs (cancer treatment) that has led to a terrible pneumonia. And I wonder if I will lose him this Christmas. While he has lived his life, we are all children in God’s eyes, and I wonder if God feels this way when he loses some of us permanently from our lack of faith.

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