Perspective and tragedy

My husband’s aunt died last week from a traumatic brain injury.  She recently had a series of strokes and was on high dose blood thinners.  She was one of the loveliest people I have known.  The police are investigating it as a domestic violence homicide with her husband.  They were married for 60 years.  I cant believe that two people who were together for so long ended up hating each other to the point of possible murder.  Both their children recently died violent deaths; one from a car accident and one from a wrongful death by police gunshot.  I wrote a rather bitter Cinquain HERE on relationships that go wrong.  It is dedicated to Aunt Jean.

I haven’t been sleeping since this happened. I am SNARKY,  jumpy and impulsive and oversensitive and “taking things the wrong way”.  Last night I had a handful of sleeping pills in my hand, feeling desperate to get some rest, and Heath Ledger popped into my head.  This was how he died.  But I can understand the desperation one feels when, night after night, one’s head will not let one relax enough to fall asleep. It is beyond exasperating.  I put most of them back, and for some reason slept “like the dead”. I guess from pure exhaustion.  I’m glad I had the sense to stop and think before my knee jerk decision to “knock myself out”.

I’ve been thinking about perspective, resilience and gratitude this week.  I have allowed the stress I’m under at work and home to undermine basic gratitude.  Simple stuff like a warm house in the cold weather with heat that works, a nice bed to sleep in, plenty of blankets, a family who loves me in spite of myself, a job (no matter how stressful and difficult!).  I have forgotten to remember the simple stuff and have been focusing on my anger over my dad’s death, and now with my aunt.  My resilience to stress is at an all time low.  Last week I tried to hide from it by immersing myself into WordPress, but it was a distraction only.  Hiding from life wont solve anything.

I have found that taking a few minutes each day in peace and quiet to just BREATHE and be grateful for some little item that I have that many don’t is helping.  Even blankets in some parts of the world is considered a luxury.  I am so fortunate.  I use this time to pray and ask God to help me remember to be grateful and to change my perspective.

The right perspective turns any tragedy into a triumph.


24 comments on “Perspective and tragedy

  1. Sorry to hear of your aunts death. Life deals us tough hands at time but I think your finding something to be grateful for is a positive step. Even if it is blankets. Take care of yourself Lori, you have family around you, friends I am sure the world over, there is only one like you, so take care of you.

  2. May the creator provide abundance of every kind for you and all for whom you care, in the merit of your deep gratitude.

  3. Wow, that is intense! I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. 😦

  4. I’m so sorry your husband’s aunt died but I hope the police find it wasn’t due to domestic violence. After so many years of marriage it would be awful to find you’d lost someone you liked so much that way.
    I’m sorry you were close to making such a mistake with sleeping pills Lori. If it should occur again just remember the sleep you managed without them.Not that I’m suggesting you work yourself into that state of exhaustion again. I do know what it’s like not to be able to shut your brain down to a point you want to stick a spike through it. You know things will eventually get better so you must aim for that.
    xxx Sending Hugs Galore xxx

    • I am such a knee jerker, when I get frustrated or mad I just ACT. Part of bipolar. Glad I got to stop and think for a minute. Not sleeping is my Achilles heel. If I don’t get rest I am a mess the next day.
      Huge hugs!

  5. You have every right to feel as you do. Last year two family members of mine died on the same day for very different reason and circumstance. I lost the plot. Death can do that to you xx Take care of you and I am sorry for your loss ❤

    • Wow that is intense. I cant imagine how people handle disasters where whole families are killed. At least mine were two months apart. I like ” I lost the plot” yes I feel that way. I wrote a haiku for a two minute challenge, but I am going to post it here first because I think you could relate:
      Swirling turmoil
      Life as I know it is gone
      Elemental loss

  6. very sorry…what a mess…sin is too much with us, all around, ever-pervasive, passion leaked from the barrel of a violent thought…it amazes me how deep and widespread these tragedies increase, in a world confused to death.

  7. Very sorry for your loss. Be mindful. Be patient. But also..be yourself.

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