Ode to the Middle Aged Size of my Thighs

There is a body part I do not prize

and that is the lumpy size of my thighs!

For while getting older makes one wise,

it spreads the body to an ever larger size.

My thighs always won the humor prize,

with varicose veins as fat as French fries.

And no matter how many stairsteps I try

they look like lumps of lard, no lie!

Age makes one laugh when once I cried;

Now I just look, hide them and sigh.

I sure hope that when I die

God has planned a thigh surprise

for it would give me a total high

to have thighs that are a perfect size!



17 comments on “Ode to the Middle Aged Size of my Thighs

  1. a great poem…well written and funny too

  2. Awww…..your thighs can’t possibly be bigger and lumpier than mine! OK, I haven’t seen yours, but mine have their own postal code and phone number. I was just musing, today or yesterday, can’t remember which, about when I was a teenage anorexic and had thighs 17 inches circumference and waist 19 inches, could put my two hands around my waist and they would meet. But the thighs–the thighs! I could never get them thin enough no matter how much I starved or how many miles I ran. I think about that, and it makes me feel better that at least I’m not anorexic (actively, that is), but the thighs….sighs…..!

    • LOL we sound like twins! I take it you are a “pear” too. Your description could be me! I like to say that my booty is….bodacious! Yes, even when I was anorexic I still had a butt. Only liposuction would cure me! If I exercise until I drop off the machine I can improve it a bit but the second I ‘fall off the wagon’ back it comes. At least my waist is skinny, especially after my cancer reconstruction! Just cant find clothes easy that don’t bag at the waist!

      • Heh heh I had some quack who did liposuction drooling over my tuchis, and to be honest I did think about it because of course I have always wanted a smaller posterior, but in the end I chose not to and I’m glad. Would have lost at least ten pounds though LOL. Cancer is a tough way to get a tiny waist 😦 I didn’t know you were an anorexic too. I’m still anorexic, just lack the iron will of a teenager to tolerate hunger. And I’m taking multiple meds that put weight on, so the Ana in me is going crazy with the scale creeping up and up! Maybe I should start taking the Dexadrine my shrink gives me for ADD, that I never take because it makes me feel lousy.

  3. Cute Poem! It does seem that when you get older your thighs comes together like magnets…lol Which is so annoying and painful due to the chafing. Thankfully I found bandelettes which has help me out tremendously with chafing. You should check them out at http://www.bandelettes.com

    • Never would have thought of that one! Great concept! I thought I had the perfect option–use an inner thigh for breast reconstruction after cancer because then they “match” the other thigh. Unfortunately my plastic surgeon preferred another spot….sigh!

      • Yeah they do really work great. I like how stylish they are, so no matter what you are wearing they look great under it. Plus all the creams and powders are eliminated with this solution.

  4. Hey! Where the heck have you been keeping yourself? I never heer form yoo no moe. What’s the deal? Are you OK? Catch me up, hear?

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