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My Quotes Page

My parents thought I would be a philosopher.  As a tiny child,  I had a habit of Profound Statements.

Or so they called it.

To their dismay, I have not solved the world or become the next Solomon.  But I do like to make up quotes, some of them humorous, some thoughtful, some–hopefully–on the edge of what they once thought was, at least in a  4 year old–profound.  I decided to stick them all on a compiled page, and add to them as they pop in my head.  Feel free to use or enjoy them….but since I do spend time on The Thought, please refer to me as the quoter if I am lucky enough to capture your interest!

If by some odd quirk you have heard of these, please let me know.  Either I have gone viral (LOL), or my brain has borrowed from the Either, or I just thought I came up with it.  All efforts are honestly from my head, but who knows where my head resides in dreamland?

«♥–♦–♥»

“You Wanna Know ME…..Read My BLOG”

“Fingernails…..natures’ swiss knives”

“Laughter….Nature’s Morphine”

“I am now convinced that my last nerve is a very patient fella”

“Work, God’s punishment for men, women’s outlet from Child Duty”

“Deadlines should be classified as Emotional Abuse”

“I work best with a tried and true cocktail of Avoidance and denial mixed with a dash of Manic Humor”

“Outside of religion, the top 3 items necessary for a lasting marriage: good humor, good sex, good paycheck!”

“Housework is like alcohol intoxication: stupefying, they both suck your brain right out of you.” 

“Vets are a combination of pediatricians and psychologists wrapped in fur”

 “There is so much truth to that statement and so many layers to my answer that my mind has momentarily blown”

On Breast Cancer: I’m a tough cookie, a chink in my “Chocolate Chips” may make me the last cookie to be chosen in the bag, but I will taste the same going down!  🙂

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“Politics: Using the Power of One to put One in Power.”

“Politics and Altruism: The Great Oxymoron”

I need a t-shirt that says: “Im not political.  I speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”

“Politicians are like accomplished magicians.  They both use mirages to create deception. And deception brings in money. And as we know, money is the root of all evil.”

Politics: “Give people scoopers to clean out the litter box and all they do is fling it at each other.”

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I know I am lazy when….I get the mail and consider it my morning workout!

I know I am too fat when I bend down to pick up an object and topple over from the effort!

I know I am too fat when, after falling over from getting the dropped item, I have to roll back and forth like a great big weeble wobble in order to get enough momentum to lift my bootie off the floor!

I know I am getting fat when all of my underwear are turning into….THONGS

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“When young persons finish shoveling snow, they get hot chocolate and go make snowmen. When old persons shovel snow, they fall exhausted face first after half of it is complete and weakly call out for some brandy”

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“Imperfections are the dimples on the face of life”

The more you obsess over the moment, the less you actually get out of it.

“It is in life’s little moments that we live, and life’s big moments that we remember.”

“Some eyes see through a veil of invisibility. Bodies moving aren’t really souls, they are just objects in their visored field of narcissistic vision.”

“NOW is the nanosecond between the past and the future;  the moment when the chessboard activates–the one moment when ones’ next move can be played.”

“Ideas expand the mind, even when they are not correct, for they get us thinking in new ways that sometimes lead us to an answer we least expect.”

Gam-A-holics: “They may not get drunk and beat you, they may not get stoned and take all your money, but they sure can ignore the heck out of you.”

“Vertigo is like trying to walk a straight line on a merry-go-round”

“Manic Moments Materialize Most Mornings; Mediates Marginal Mediocrity”

“For thousands of years cats have managed to brainwash owners into thinking that caring for a creature who sleeps all day, protects nothing and makes you clean up all their excrement is a worthwhile pet.  The difference between a cat and a husband?  Cats are cheaper to get rid of…”

“Sometimes I feel like a painfully red, swollen pus-filled boil on the butthole of life. On better days, I just feel like a bottom feeder in life’s great ocean.”

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